Long time no see!

I have so much to tell you...
First of all, I'm worried! No not about the reverse-reconquista going on as immigrants squatting in European churches casually throw up banners proclaiming that Mohammed rocks... nah! That's just par-for-the-course in today's strange world. no I'm worried about something much more troubling because I am a North American navel-gazer who doesn't worry about things that happen in faraway lands. I worry about far more pressing and urgent things like soldiers with guns in Canadian cities and climate change ! After all, I just bought a new home! Will I have to spend money on roof-mounted General-Purpose Machine Guns to keep out rampaging paramilitaries? Not only that, will I have to buy extra insulation for my new home, or will somebody save us from Global Cooling. Al Gore, Maude Barlow, George Clooney, David Suzuki, somebody do something! Imagine the global chaos that global cooling will bring. And Iran has nukes now --or so the Zionistneocons would have us believe. A light dusting of snow over Tehran might be all it takes to send the Ayatollahs over the edge... then next thing ya know, Chuck Heston is raving on a beach in front of the top third of the Statue of Liberty!

*****

So anyway, I've been reading a bit about
Tony Blair and his issue with Gordon Brown, and I gotta tell ya, it reminds me an awful lot of the Chretien/Martin mess that ultimately brought down the most successful political machine in the history of Western Democracies (for now--trust not the fickle Canadian electorate). Taking a page out of the book of another Tony, Blair needs to pole-axe this clown, pronto, for the good of "the family".

******

As promised, here is more on the movie United 93. Rather than write my own review, I figured I would link to one of the best descriptions of a film-viewing experience I have ever read... it speaks more eloquently than anything I might have written.

*****

On Monday, we close the deal on the new house, and I join the ranks of those whose home is owned by a bank. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's probably because I pawned my PC to pay the mortgage.

Hasta la proxima, amigos!

In no particular order:

My refutation of The Gospel of Judas, and every other half baked conspiracy theory that Brown or Baigent (or Lee or Pagels or Brown, et. al) have ever come up with:

Apostolic Succession

*****

I went to see United 93 on Friday. Along the lines of what appears to be the general consensus, here is my five word review: IT IS NOT "TOO SOON"

I'll post more on this experience in a little while.

*****

Borat, the funniest member of the Sacha Baron Cohen triad, is getting his own movie, surely a cause for hand pleasure!

"That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testes satchels that gave it away."

Borat on Madonna, at the 2005 MTV Europe awards

Beware of Chimps

A few weeks ago I was watching the Kratt brothers' show "Be the Creature". If you didn't know, the Kratts are two quasi-interchangeable naturalist brothers who host children's wildlife programming on more than one network.

Anyway, this show is dedicated to developing a certain empathy through mimickry--immitation being the sincerest form of flattery, I suppose. And this time, the subject of their flattery was the chimpanzee, which, we are told, is our nearest living relative in the animal kingdom. If so, much of human behaviour that I don't understand was explained for me during that half hour.

During the first half of the program, the brothers spent some time with some chimps in a sanctuary for orphans, roughousing and playing with the beasts. Then in the second half, they dragged a camera deep into the jungle to observe the creatures living in the wild, and the two clowns "aped" them-- if you pardon the expression -- climbing, scampering, rooting for food, calling out chimp-cries. Then, about 45 minutes into the broadcast, things got nasty... when the chimps went on a hunt, the young viewers were treated to the horrifying spectacle of the brutes leaping from tree to tree, seizing monkeys, and rending them limb from limb. The Kratts somberly informed us that as "omnivores", the chimps ate both meat and veggies. And how! These ones seemed to have a predilection for monkey tartar... or rather tear-tear, as that's what they did as they shared the bits of monkey between them, pulling limbs apart in a grotesque jungle tug-of-war.

This jarring image came rushing back into my head as I read this report of a Canadian being injured and his driver killed in a chimp attack in Sierra Leone. For all their cuteness, these are some dangerous and unpredictable beasts, which can turn nasty at a moment's notice. Is it any wonder we think of them as man's closest cousin?

Something for mean-spirited conspiracy-crazy bloggers to think about

Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quire true, or not quite so bad as it turned out. Is one's first feeling, "Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that," or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemise as bad as possible? If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils.

C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Easter break 2006 - at home with the family in Windsor 

The Dome of Les Invalides. Paris, June 2005 

The Five Stages of 24

It Was the Best of Seasons and the Worst of Seasons...

by Julius Dithers April 10th, 2006

04:44:53 AM CST or How I Got Over Tony's Death and Can Still Watch This F*cking Manipulative Show:

Denial - "He can't be dead! It's a trick!"

Anger - "Those motherf*cking 24 showrunners authorized TONY'S DEATH!
F*ck Surnow,
f*ck Gordon,
f*ck Fury and f*ck Coto!"

Bargaining - "Why didn't they just kill that little
girl at the mall and spare Tony's life?!"

Depression - "If he's dead, nobody's safe! You, too, Sutherland! Ah, what's the point in watching this show anymore?"

Acceptance - "The President's the big bad?! Holy shit, what happens next?!"

The Melkite Church

My fiance and I will be getting married in this Melkite church.

I've been learning quite a bit about the Greek Catholic Churches and other "particular" churches in communion with Rome. Inevitably, I stumbled across the topic of Orthodoxy, and the strange case of the "Uniat" Churches:

The Catholic Church considers the Eastern Orthodox to be in schism and therefore not in full communion with the Holy See. Some of Eastern Orthodox Christians in turn consider Roman Catholics to be heretics, while the majority consider them in schism. Confusingly, the term "Western Orthodox" refers to Uniat Catholic churches in communion with the Roman See, known also as Eastern Catholic Churches. Actually this is rarely the case in semantic terms. Today "western Orthodox" will probably refer to groups of real apostolic Orthodox Christians in the UK, USA,and perhaps smaller numbersin France, the Netherlands, Germany and Denmark, who wish to be Orthodox and yet want a western and Latin rite. In Ukraine and Romania there are Uniates called Greek Catholics who have Byzantine rite, but accept primacy of the Pope, and Papal infallibility, so they are Byzantine Catholics. Also in the Lebanon are groups called Maronites and Melkites in a smilar situation.

Confused yet?

How do you think I feel? Basically, it all comes down to which churches are "in communion" with Rome --e.g. those that recognize the primacy of the Pope and accept the authority of the Holy See are Catholic, regardless of the rite they use. The Melkites actually use the Eastern Rite which, to someone raised in the Latin rite, makes for an entirely different church experience than what one is accustomed to. I see it as a wonderful example of the amazing diversity that exists within the worldwide Catholic community.

Snakes on a MothaF***g plane!!!

The competition was fierce, but the results are finally in!

I'm delighted to announce the winner of the "Idiotic Statement of the Day" Award.

Congratulations, Linda McQuaig!

You take home the prize for this assinine little nugget:

Is it just me or does anyone else find it ominous that Harper says "God bless Canada" and vows not to "cut and run" — deliberately aping the most unsavoury president in U.S. history?

Ooh, scary Mr. Harper! Stop "aping" Mr. Bush --clever simian subtext there! I get it --Chimpy McBushitler, right? Clever, very clever! Stop your ominous references to God, you are scaring some people! Presumably the same people that shudder and cower in terror every time they hear the following line in our national anthem:

GOD keep our land glorious and free. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Reminds me of a classic Simpsons line
"God has no place in the public schools, just as facts have no place in organized religion!" Superintendant Chalmers

Perplexing quote provided completely out of context

Pope Benedict XVI will bury you in an avalanche of righteousness and roast your heathen flesh in the purifying fires of the holy spirit.

I actually found this in an e-mail I wrote to an e-mail to a friend a few months ago. I must have been off my meds.


You could accuse me of hero worship... but you might get tortured for it

Another Baueristic link

Different Jack, but cool nonetheless

Michael Ware, the intrepid Time magazine correspondent, exposed

The Dupes and the Defenders

Actual press release:

The Iraq embassy condemns the comment of "Christian Peacemaker Teams" and calls
on all democrats to rally to the cause of a democratic Iraq and to condemn all
such phony pacifists... One could hardly think of a more disgraceful response to
the efforts of the Iraqi, American and British soldiers that risked their necks
to save hostages... They are not pacifists, but stooges of the enemies of
democracy. The "Christian Peacemaker Teams" practice the kind of politics that
automatically nominate them as dupes for jihadism and fascism


Another actual press release:

Statement by the Prime Minister on the passing of Private Robert Costall
March 29, 2006
Ottawa, Ontario


Prime Minister Stephen Harper today issued the following statement on the passing of Private Robert Costall:

“It is with great sadness that we learned of the death of Private Robert Costall, killed in a firefight in Afghanistan.

“Private Costall died while participating in our mission to bring democracy and stability to the war torn country of Afghanistan. His sacrifice, for which we are deeply grateful, will be remembered.

“On behalf of the people of Canada and our government, I extend our deepest condolences to the family, friends, and co-workers of Private Costall. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.

“Our UN-mandated mission in Afghanistan is not without risk and we are so very proud of our brave men and women who daily face these dangers while carrying out their duties. They represent the best of our country and I am proud to honour them.”

So which of these makes you proud to be Canadian?

RIP Private Costall

From a Canada.com article

Earlier Monday, the Christian Peacemaker Teams admitted they purposefully kept the fact Loney is gay a secret over fears his sexual orientation could further endanger his life while he was held captive in Iraq. "There was concern for his safety in this violent world of gay-bashing," said administrative co-ordinator Rebecca Johnson.

(...)It was in Loney's "best interest" to keep that part of his personal life under wraps because gay people are still targets of "antagonistic" attacks.


Notice the artful evasion... The implication appears to be that in this day and age, Loney's sexual orientation puts him in danger of "antagonistic attacks" from, say, roving gangs of intolerant bigots in downtown Toronto. By obliquely and deliberately characterising the threat as "this violent world", Johnson evades the thorny issue of the prevailing attitude towards homosexuality in certain very specific parts of the world. Anyone who knows anything about urban Canada and our famed value of tolerance sees this for what it is: disingenuous obfuscation.

No, Ms. Johnson. As a homosexual, Mr. Loney was not in danger "in this violent world of gay-bashing". He was in danger from a very specific localized threat: in this world there are theocratic absolutists who would happily crush him under a wall for buggery, there are Baathist thugs who would relish his kidnapping and murder as a sign to other decadent westerners, and there are jihadists who would love to video tape the sawing off of his sodomizing infidel's head for propaganda purposes... and, in case you didn't know, none of these people are found on Jarvis Street in Toronto.

All Over The Place:

I'm impressed!

I'm kinda surprised they couldn't find an American-built car, but nevertheless,
THIS is pretty amazing!


24: We kill more major characters in one hour than most primetime dramas kill in several seasons

This morbid little hitcounter is brought to you by the good folks at Blogs4bauer

Allah's holodeck:

An intersting angle on the islamic worldview

Desmond Morton to the media:

Do your f*cking job

You Christian? You crazy!

Dudes keep insisting that Islam is a religion of peace , and some other dudes keep insisting on proving them wrong!
Now that is crazy.

Swompdonkey is two years old

Thanks for sticking with me, friend! Your patronage is encouraging. I do believe I will continue to post my disjointed rantings -- how does that grab you?

Twenty-Four update:

I've been chastized for not adding spoiler warnings to my 24 posts. It never occured to me that some people actually don't watch the show from week to week, but prefer to TIVO it and watch three or four episodes at once, or wait for the DVD boxed set to come out. I should have thought of that, of course, because I actually watched Seasons 1-3 on DVD after discovering the show last year. My apologies for spoiling anything... I promise to be more careful in the future... and with that:

***POTENTIAL SPOILER***

Jack now divides the sexes! 24-related post at jumptheshark.com in response to a girl's complaint over Tony's exit:
This show has never jumped. It is still one of the edgiest, most suspenseful rides out there on the small screen and this season is the best since Day 2. It is one of the few shows that has balls enough to kill off any major character. For those whining about Tony's death, get over it! What did you expect when the writers say that no one on the show is safe? I loved Tony too, but his time came and that's the way it goes. Oh, and to the above poster who's boyfriend quit watching...I can understand. He obviously was no longer able to identify with Jack Bauer; a man with his own set of testicles that remain under his own control. I hope your boyfriend enjoys Gilmore Girls and The O.C., or whatever it is that you make him watch when you're not playing solitaire. Meanwhile, the rest of us real men will continue to enjoy Jack and the ticking clock of doom.

***SPOILER ENDS***


Victor Davis Hanson runs a fantastic Web site. If you have never visited it, I encourage you to do so. It's chock-full of great articles containing some very sharp insights --like this one:

When Westerners die in Afghanistan, it is back-page news; but in Iraq, the deaths make the front page. Why? Because the "bad" war in Iraq was supposedly "unilateral," while the "good" war to dethrone the Taliban is now a multilateral enterprise. Yet to the jihadists, there is little difference between the two: a German soldier in Kabul looks every bit the crusader that the American in the Sunni Triangle does. We in the West make the distinction between the wars; the radical Islamists don't.


On the topic of Afghanistan: Lets not forget that, for all our rhetoric about democracy and the rule of law, Afghanistan is still a profoundly troubled land. Some things that go on there are incomprehensible to me. Like the ordeal of an Afghani apostate reported here in the Globe and Mail.

PS
I just found out that the creator of Ren and Stimpy has a blog. I was the hugest fan of that show when it first came out something like fifteen years ago.... Can I really be that old?

With Tony deceased, Jack calls upon the Lord for help?

...or so it would appear. I thought I recognized that Theo Stoller! Sure he may say he he's from German intelligence, but that's only an alias. A search of Government databases uncovered several aliases:
Salvator Mundi
Joshua Emmanuel Nazarenus
Iesu Christos

That's right! It's Jesus!

And now, Jack's gone and pissed him off. Great, not like Bauer didn't have enough on his plate already. He would do well to remember John Turturro's character's words from the Big Lebowski. You know what I'm talking about.

TWENTY-FOUR

(a.k.a. The Jack Bauer Power Hour)

Edgar's death a Mistake?

Maybe.... but Tony's? Definitely.

I know that this show is admired for its daring and willingness to dispatch major characters without remorse.... Jack Bauer may be the sweatsoaked fist of vengeance, but the fact remains, Agent SOULPATCH, a CTU fixture since Season One, was the heart of the show.

If he really is dead --and I still have my doubts, mostly because of the absent silent counter at the end of the episode with which the deceased Ryan Chapelle, George Mason, and Edgar Styles were previously honoured--

If he really is dead, expect switch Retribution from Agent GRAVITAS

There's a man going around taking names
And he decides who to free and who to blame
Everybody won't be treated all the same
There'll be a golden ladder reaching down
When the Man comes around

The hairs on your arm will stand up
At the terror in each sip and in each sup
Will you partake of that last offered cup?
Or disappear into the potter's ground
When the Man comes around

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers
One hundred million angels singing
Multitudes are marching to the big kettledrum
Voices calling, voices crying
Some are born and some are dying
It's Alpha and Omega's kingdom come

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree
The virgins are all trimming their wicks
The whirlwind is in the thorn tree
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks

Till Armageddon no shalam, no shalom
Then the father hen will call his chickens home
The wise man will bow down before the thrown
And at His feet they'll cast their golden crowns
When the Man comes around

Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still
Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still
Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still
Listen to the words long written down
When the Man comes around

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers
One hundred million angels singing
Multitudes are marching to the big kettledrum
Voices calling and voices crying
Some are born and some are dying
It's Alpha and Omega's kingdom come

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree
The virgins are all trimming their wicks
The whirlwind is in the thorn tree
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks

In measured hundred weight and penny pound
When the Man comes around.

Johnny Cash
The Man Comes Around

Memories of Italy - May 2004: Rufus, guardian of the Pensione Bellavista. The dreaded mastiff's slobbery kisses strikes fear into the hearts of the ruffians and ne'er-do-wells of Florence  

From an Ottawa Sun Column:
Oddly, when we were on our fuzzier peacekeeping missions no one cared when we died. There was rarely any publicity, and little sympathy. I don't quite understand that. In the end, I guess some people just don't get it. Some friends and family don't understand why I want to go, and why I don't make an effort to get out of serving in Afghanistan. I don't hear anyone asking a cop why he answers 911 calls, or why a firefighter runs into a burning building. In fact, I was just accepted for an occupational transfer to Search and Rescue Technician that brings a significant pay raise, but I've turned it down to go to the new Special Operations Regiment.
Why? How can I back away when all my friends are going? I believe in the mission, and in my heart I'm a soldier. This is what I do.

This gentleman displays the mindset of the warrior. John Keegan wrote in his introduction to A History of Warfare:Warriors are not as other men. I really believe that most Canadians cannot fathom this mentality, and perhaps the idea that idealistic dupes like this poor fellow actually want to go put what they have spent years training for to good use is almost repellent to some -- so disconnected have we become from our own past. They believe that we are a nation of peacekeepers, and that our benevolent blue helmets are basically a Canadian peacecorps trained in negotiation and multilateral relations --Canadian Forces members should not talk like gung-ho "american style" warriors. And yet, there are still warriors among us; honourable warriors who believe that the military profession is not one where the primary role of its practicants must be obfuscated or cloaked in the jargon of the pacifist.

No, Canada is not a militaristic society, but it is nevertheless a society in which the military has always played a role, a society where warriors still dwell --something that the myths, pieties and social engineering of the last thirty years can never truly erase. If you don't believe me, walk into any old militia armoury in any city in Canada --there are dozens across the land --and ask to speak to the resident historian or curator of the military museum.

Warriors have been a part of Canadian society since the first outposts were founded by Champlain in the seventeenth century. The history of some of Canada's present-day militia units can be traced back to the Niagara and Lower Canada campaigns in the War of 1812. Throughout the imperial years of the nineteenth century, both before and after Confederation, Canadian men --often more British in outlook than Canadian, went around the globe to fight in Queen Victoria's Wars and many gained reknown. This is that particular breed I refer to as a warrior --a breed of man quite unlike the citizen-soldier, who enlists in time of war, as millions did during the twentieth century.

These warriors are now the ones who now eagerly volunteer for dangerous operations like the one in Afghanistan, where, in the "three block war", humanitarian relief, peacekeeping and warfighting all go hand-in-hand. They fight for those who cannot fight for themselves in the most wretched corners of the world, risking life and limb to ply their trade and bring help to the oppressed. Most strongly believe in what they are doing, and some are even eager to go. George Orwell was speaking of these men when he wrote: "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf". The warriors are part of a warrior tribe, quite apart from the rest of us, that hews to those old-fashioned values of duty, honour, and loyalty, and their function is to protect the rest of us.

We should not prevent them from doing what any society expects of its warriors.