Last night, I joined an american and another Canadian for an unbelievably delicious supper washed down with chianti in the Centro Storico, somewhere in the vicinity of the Pantheon and the Piazza Navona. The former is more magnificent than any picture could possibly lead you to believe. Lit up with floodlights, it is like an exquisite piece of early Imperial Rome transported through time completely intact and dropped down smack-dab in the middle of a 21st century city. We wandered around rather aimlessly staring at jaw-dropping sights until we happened upon a little bar tucked away in some alley. It proved to be full of people so we ordered some beers and sat down. Just as we were settling in, some guy hollered something to those assembled, and they got up as one, and filed out of the place. I quickly asked one of the limey girls whether or not they were on a Pub Crawl.. "Yeah, Rome-ing tours" she told me... I kinda found that funny, for reasons known only to myself and one other person.

Pub crawls seem to be a real hit with the hostel crowd here in Rome (The one I am staying in is both cheap and close to everything, so I will be staying put here for at least a few more days... besides, it looks like most other hostels in the area are full... some of the people here did some checking)... I'll be going on one tonight, God help my liver --two nights ago, I gave that particular organ a pounding watching Chelsea play Milan with an Englishman... I should have known better!

Today, I went to The Vatican Museum and Saint Peter's Basillica with Jinead (who is a pretty good guy, for an American). The Vatican was breathtaking... I was nearly brought to tears by some of the masterpieces of Italian art in there, that is how moving it was. I didnt even get a chance to see The Sistine Chapel (Crazy crowds!) So I'll definitely be going back in a couple of days. Saint Peter's is immense. Worthy of comparison to the great palaces of Europe. It is a true monument to the power and majesty of the Church of Rome in its heyday. I saw the crypt where the bones of St Peter are kept, and those of dozens of other popes besides. Many photos were taken, and most will not do justice to its magnificence... but that is just an incentive for people who see them to come to Rome and see the real things for themselves... I highly recommend it!

SENATUS POPULUSQUE ROMANUS ~ THE SENATE AND THE PEOPLE OF ROME

SPQR

Everywhere you go in Rome, you see those four letters. On the signs, on the manholes, on the buildings... On the ancient monuments that the Caesars put up when the republic had long ceased to be about the people and senate of Rome and the divine emperors ruled from the Black Sea to the Atlantic, it was still stamped on everything... perhaps hearkening back to a nobler, more idealistic time? Like anytime an American politician refers to the declaration of independence, and the idea that they hold certain truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, etc. etc...

Today I walked in the forum, where 2000 years ago Marc Antony delivered Caesar's funeral oration. I gazed upon Titus' arch, comemorating his victory in the Jewish war. Today, I pretty well gorged myself on history, wandering through the Colosseum, where civilized people gathered and gorged themselves on magnificently decadent and bloody spectacles of battle between man and man, and man and beast. -Interestingly enough, I also found out that contrary to popular belief, Christians were not martyred there, but in another location entirely. The Colosseum was about sport... and watching helpless Christians get eaten by hungry lions... well, there isnt much sport in that!

Ive seen so much today... I am almost scared that it will all be downhill from here! Well gotta have FAITH!

*Have Faith!

I'm in Devon today! Visiting my Grandmother. Very isolated area... right now I'm in the Public Library in the town of Barnstaple... Very close to the sea. Words cannot describe the North Devon Coast... I think I know where I want to live when I retire.

Update...

THIS sucks... I'll be in Rome in a few days. This kinda thing reminds me of how quickly fun times can turn tragic.

Oh, yeah! I've found my new playoff headquarters to keep abreast of things while away from my home and native land. With a site called CANOE, ya gotta figure they have the Canadian content covered.

At the risk of angering some, and alienating others permanently... now that the Sens have tanked...

GO LEAFS GO

It has only been a couple of days, and I already miss talking to some of you people... and the one I miss talking to most of all, well, you know who you are... :-)

The swompdonkey chronicles... uk edition.

I'm sitting in an internet cafe somewhere deep within the bowels of Heathrow airport, reflecting on how lucky we are to still be able to move with such ease from one side of the globe to the other in spite of all the crap that has happened in recent years... A few hours ago, I was celebrating my brother Joe's birthday with him and his friends in Mississauga. Now I'm about to hop on a bus to go see my Grandma in Devon. Some had warned me that security in airports was becoming tougher again, after an incomprehensible little lapse somewhere between 9-11 and 3-11 (the Madrid bombings). Well, if it has been tightened, it isn't that noticeable... which I suppose is a good thing. Nobody wants to feel like they live in a police state. No heavily-armed guards at Pearson and I breezed through customs on my EU passport. Almost enough to make you think that we are back to business as usual in this twisted little world of ours...

The question is bound to come up sooner or later: What the heck is a SWOMPDONKEY ?

Well, for starters, it is a corruption of two different words

SWAMP

and

DONKEY

I checked another online dictionary to find the definition of "Swamp donkey", and was pretty surprised that out of 28 different definitions, only one got it right...

Anyone who grew up in Northern Ontario can tell you that "swamp donkey" is slang for Alces Canadensis, a.k.a. the Canadian Moose!

The term is generally used in a mildly pejorative way. For example "Holy jeez, you shoulda been there! I spilled my beer when I almost hit a friggin' swamp donkey with my four-by-four!"

The majestic moose, proud denizen of the Canadian hinterland! A fitting symbol for my blog.

Just out of curiosity, I did a little google search today.... I think that the "RATE MY" craze is getting a bit out of hand. There are certain things that should never ever be submitted for evaluation under any circumstances. Like, for instance, THIS, THIS, and THIS. Then there is THIS site, which must have irritated alot of pimps and mysogynists who visited expecting something else entirely.

Surf on over to Andrew Coyne's Blog and read his opinion on the Kadhrs... I gotta admit, I've of two minds on this one... however, I love the following post by Birdgunner in the comments section!:

Andrew's comment about charging the Khadrs with a crime is germane. Sections 46 and 47 of the Criminal Code of Canada state that:

46. (1) Every one commits high treason who, in Canada...

(c) assists an enemy at war with Canada, or any armed forces against whom Canadian Forces are engaged in hostilities, whether or not a state of war exists between Canada and the country whose forces they are...

3) Notwithstanding subsection (1) or (2), a Canadian citizen or a person who owes allegiance to Her Majesty in right of Canada,

(a) commits high treason if, while in or out of Canada, he does anything mentioned in subsection (1); or

47. (1) Every one who commits high treason is guilty of an indictable offence and shall be sentenced to imprisonment for life.

---

All of this seems pretty clear to me. Whether or not Canada is at war with al Qaeda (or other Islamic nihilists) is immaterial; they are at war with us, and have told us so. On prima facie evidence alone there appears to be grounds for charges of treason, perhaps even high treason, against select members of the Khadr family.

I don't mind if the Khadrs retain their citizenship and enjoy Canadian standards of living and free medical care. I just think that they should be doing it from behind the bars of a federal penitentiary

BULLSHIT!

Edith, i have only one thing to say about this:Shit or get off the pot!

Am I the only one who sees a gross conflict of interest? Here we have a woman dedicating her free time to breaking up the coutry as the new president of the separatist organization "Quebec, un pays".... What does Mme Gendron do as a day job? why she happens to be a Senior Program Officer at Canadian Heritage. Canadian Heritage? Yeah, the department dedicated to promoting "a More Cohesive and Creative Canada". If the government had any balls, it would throw this seperatist out on her ass.

A house divided against itself cannot stand.

Bachelor update 3...this update is given under duress.

OK, so I start watching the Bachelor ten minutes into the show. Jenny S.,the mole- wait, wrong show -the spy is practically in tears about Trish. The ladies are playing that drinking game where you take a drink every time someone mentions something you have done... the game has already turned sexual, if it didn't start that way (I missed the beginning). Trish is tossing back the the plonk like nobody's business. As far as I can tell, she has done everything there is to do of a sexual nature in every possible location, seemingly with half the adult male population of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Oh yeah, she also has "cheating with a married man" on her resume... and she's still single? What is it about Trish that Jenny S. doesn't like? Hmmm... I wonder.

Back from the break, the boy-genius lets us in on the fact that things may get awkward between
Mandy-Jaye, the sassy Texan and Trish, everyone's favourite, on their double date. If by awkward, you mean "hostile staring-daggers-at-each-other awkward", Jesse, you are indeed a very perceptive young man. M-J isn't alone in her hostility towards the Florida floozy. Trish sees herself as "the craziest woman in the house".... whereas other girls call her a "Gold-digging skank"... but who's to say what the truth is?

Following the break, Jenny tells us that Tara is perfect for Jesse. What this means is that our clueless suitor will no doubt kick her through the uprights and right out of the mansion at the next rose ceremony. Meanwhile back at the house, Trish is offending people with her lewd revelations again. This show should just be renamed "The Gold-digging skank", in honour of its true star. Jesse kisses Tara during the date, in spite of her objections... way to push through that defense, Jess. Just don't spike the ball and do a touchdown dance in the endzone, OK?

The next day, "the shame of Ottawa" as I am begining to think of him, and a bunch of the girls go off on a date to build a house for habitat for humanity. At the group date, Jenny S. gives Jesse the goods on Trish, including this line "You hate divorce... she may have caused one!" OUCH! His response "there are some things I have to confront Trish about" Huh? What the hell is the point of confronting her on anything? She has admitted who she is to everyone else.... it isn't like she is ashamed of her past behaviour. I'm not even sure that someone like that has the capacity for shame.

Back at the loveshack, during a BBQ and hot tub party, charmingly insecure Jessie H. becomes creepily weird Jessie H. in the space of about 10 seconds (I just realized... there are too many damn Jesses on this damn show). Even Jesse realizes he is creeped out... and this is a guy that I'm not sure realizes he is awake half the time. Is this our future stalker?

Before the rose ceremony, Jesse is confused, probably not for the first time that day. Jesse S. does not want a rose, she wants to rid herself of the burden of being the spy... no kidding, your boy is really clueless. You have done everything short of beating him over the head with your shoe to get him to clue in... give it up. Spygirl tells her boy that he should follow his heart.

Rose ceremony... it ain't no longer about first impressions, that's fo sho! Mandy-J gets a rose, adorable Suzy with her wrinkly nose does too, as do coy Tara (well what do you know!), Jessica B-the so-cal hottie, Karen -the weird-looking pageant queen, and Trish... wait-just-a-g-damn-minute... TRISH? Are you kidding me? Jesse needs to wear his helmet during practice more often.

Julie the pro cheerleader is upset that she was overlooked for someone like Trish... our spy says she is "worried"... Jenny, you may be worried.... frankly, I'm terrified!

On the next show... things get more insipid... Hmm looks like Jessie H. who gets the boot in this one, is not our stalker. Could the stalker end up being Trish? That would be too cool!

My brain hurts...

Tonight the dream died...

Until tonight, I didn't believe in curses. But somewhere on that big pond in the sky, as Terry Sawchuk kicks out a wristshot that the Rocket just let loose from the hash marks, the players pause for a minute, cast a glance down at the Air Canada Centre, turn towards the grinning little defenceman and someone says "Jeez,
King, when you gonna let bygones be bygones?"

I believe in curses.

I wanted to pull my eyeballs out of my head after foolishly visiting this site: GAAAAAAAH!

Never been a fan of the babes with the pneumatic chests, and I can't understand why someone would inject a toxic substance into their heads to get rid of wrinkles or get blubber sucked out of their asses or bellies when the stakes are so high.

A friend of mine says that changing one's looks can improve self-esteem and be the catalyst for major positive change in other areas. She points out the success stories from this show.

Conversely, plastic surgery can have tragic results. To wit, the sad case of Micheline Charest.

If there is a more pointless and ignominious end to a life, I can't think of it.

DEFIANT to the last,

hostage "died like a hero."

A Former Baker Shows Terrorist Scum the Meaning of Bravery

Here's hoping I meet my end as well as Fabrizio did.

From Today's National Post:

PM salutes those who stormed Norway's beaches

Anne Dawson

CFB GAGETOWN, N.B. - Paul Martin rewrote Canadian military history yesterday when he said twice that the liberation of Europe began in 1944 with the invasion of Norway. He meant to say the invasion of Normandy.
"Sixty years ago, Canadians were working alongside their British and American allies planning for the invasion of Norway and the liberation of Europe," Mr. Martin said in a speech to 350 soldiers at this training base outside Fredericton.
A few minutes later he repeated the gaffe.
"Today, it is every bit as important that Canada step forward - just as we did during the invasion of Norway," he said before announcing a series of military spending plans.
Norway is roughly 1,300 kilometres northeast of Normandy, where on June 6, 1944, soldiers from across Canada stormed Juno Beach.
No one in the audience acknowledged the mistake, though Mr. Martin's aides whispered among themselves when they picked up on it.
The blunder is reminiscent of the time former defence minister John McCallum confused the site of Canada's First World War victory at Vimy Ridge with the city of Vichy, capital of the Nazi puppet regime in occupied France during the Second World War.
At the time, Mr. McCallum brushed off the error as a "typing mistake."
When Mr. Martin took power last December, he demoted Mr. McCallum to Minister of Veteran Affairs.

...In Paul Martin's head, this makes sense! He thinks Scandinavians are invading our coastline NOW because 60 years ago we invaded theirs!

Bachelor Update: Episode 2

This Jesse guy is already starting to piss me off. I was watching Ottawa lay a pasting on the Leafs, so I missed the first 20 minutes of the show. What do I see when I finally tune in? Jesse and Trish the leggy model, eating on some stage, apparently after some play or something. Trish stares at Jesse with her dull cow eyes, furrows her brow, and says something about not wanting kids. Jesse, tell me that this girl was not your choice your first date. Dude, you are killing me.

Cut to a montage of Trish saying some incredibly obnoxious and borderline offensive things to the other girls ("My mother taught me to be a golddigger"), cut to trish eating Jesse's face in the back of the limo, cut to me losing my lunch. This truly is a woman of little substance. I loathe her already. I need to recover. Back to the hockey game for a bit.

After the break, Jesse goes on a group date...one of the ladies, Suzie, catches a pass. Good for her! Following the pickup game, Jesse sits down for supper and inserts his foot into his mouth as an appetizer. Sometimes, too much truth is a bad thing. Jesse, the ladies don't want to hear about your countless one-night stands, "tired of waking up next to a stranger, eh?" Some raised eyebrows around the table. Yeah, they get it QB boy, you are a stud.

Every guy should have a devious female friend to spy on potential mates for him... Aha! The spy was the championship swimmer girl!!! I knew it! She speaks to our hero about Trish... clueless boy has a look of shock on his face. Trish - high maintenance? Say it aint so! Now I'm the one furrowing my brow.

Back at the house, one of the girls, Tara, calls him on his player ways... Jesse spouts some rubbish... Tara apparently buys it, for now. My favourtie girl of the bunch, Kristy the med student from Michigan drops a bomb on our boy and asks Jesse not to give her a rose. What a classy woman! Jesse tells us he is upset... pal, you have no idea. You just lost an A-lister, my man.

Meanwhile, Ottawa beats Toronto, and all is right with the world.

The rose ceremony: Blah blah blah... some crap about trust and challenge from our guy. Let the bloodletting begin: Katie, the girl who nearly got the boot last week but got through on a technicality, gets the first rose this time. Confirming my suspicion that he is too stupid to listen to his best friend, Jesse gives Trish a rose... and crazy-eyed Karen too? This guy just doesn't seem to have a clue. My brow is now permanently furrowed. Jean Marie looks like she is ready to eat tinfoil and shit bullets.

Next week Jesse is captivated by Trish's charms so his lady friend bitch slaps some sense into him... or something like that... and this show started off looking so promising....

Let the downward spiral continue.

I was reading some of the vitriol spewed over Alfonso Gagliano's testimony in the adscam controversy. The guy may be a crook, but reading some of the posts where people speculate over his possible ties to organized crime HERE, I wanted to laugh out loud.... I mean, COME ON. Do you honestly think that someone like Vito Rizzuto would have anything to do with a mezzo-fanook like Gagliano? Does THIS look like the face of a wiseguy?

MEMO TO HABS FANS:

IT WAS IN.

DEAL WITH IT.

Apparently, the Department of Foreign Affairs is hiring former adult film stars as ambassadors to Middle Eastern States. This story on Fadi Fadel reveals the ugly truth! Dirk Diggler's real life counterpart is attempting to secure hostage Fadi Fadel's release. Mr. Fadel is an unlucky Syrian-born Canadian Aid worker who had the temerity to go to Iraq to help kids and was found guilty of looking like an Israeli by the Mujahedeen Brigades, who are this season's Saddam Fedayeen (Just like Sadr may end up being this week's Ahmed Yassin, if he doesnt keep his eyes peeled).

But back to the stunning revelation!... can we really be surprised that Foreign Affairs has a former seventies porn legend working for them? This wouldn't be the first time a LOWLIFE worked for Foreign Affairs, right?

First pre-emptive answer to an obvious question: Vis Comica is latin for "sense of humour", which is something I hope that anyone visiting this blog will have...

Today, the blog goes public. I realize this opens me up to the scrutiny of both friends and random visitors, but I'm ready for it. Feel free to mock my lousy syntax and ham-handed writing style... send blog-related hate mail and plaudits to

swompdonkey@hotmail.com

Those of you who know me, know where else to reach me. Friends, welcome. Critics, do your worst! I look forward to the backlash.