I'm a Mandarin!

Talent: 23%
Lifer: 59%
Mandarin: 62%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

*****

I was reading a great blog post by David Thompson on cultural equivalence-- David has a blog that explores comic books and culture-- when I happened across a link to this video:



I remember seeing Jeff Dunham do some pretty tame stuff back in the nineties with characters like Peanut, and the Jalapeno-On-A-Stick... I guess times have changed!

The thing is, Achmed the Dead Terrorist may seem like an edgier act, but is it funnier than the middlebrow schtick that Dunham used to do with Walter the cranky old coot? Braver, sure. Funnier? Debatable.

*****

My Favourite Toronto Star headline. Ever.

*****

I know everyone seems to be blogging... but Val Venis?

Thoughts on Bauer Withdrawal

Apparently while I wasn't paying attention, someone changed the name of this 24 show to "Karen and Bill's Tales of Woe and Misfortune (featuring crazy Audrey Raines)".

A couple of weeks ago I asked for more Bauer, and the producers delivered, but now it would appear we have entered the post-crisis period, which like the post-War period in Britain is marked by rationing. Only in this case, it isn't butter and sugar, but Bauer and shootings that are being rationed.

So Bill and Karen are having marital difficulties now. Yeah, and uh... we care why? Watch for Dr. Phil to make a guest appearance and appeal to the soccer mom demographic. And Audrey has returned.. something that is sure to please those 23 people in the continental United States that loved Kim Raver in
The Nine. Bully for them, but for us 24 fans, if Bill and Karen and Audrey subplots equal less Bauer induced mayhem, then I say bring back one-armed Chase and Kim. I'd rather watch cougars and Mexican subplots that go nowhere than this season's three least compelling characters.

And yet, I won't repeat my earlier mistake and lose faith in my favourite show. Instead, I choose to believe that this is a brief detour on the road to season-ending ass kickery... and the last five minutes of the episode gives us all reason to believe, I think.

Spring Cleaning

Walking the streets of Ottawa yesterday, I was amazed at the effect that the change in weather had had on people. The mercury rises a couple of degrees, and all of a sudden the streets are packed. Because I live just north of Sandy Hill, at the edge of Lowertown, I often walk back from work along Rideau street. It's a fantastic walk, really, because the area around the Byward Market is arguably the most interesting part of town. Yesterday evening it was alive with the sights and sounds of the residents of the National Capital coming out of their long hibernation.

That, more than anything, has convinced me that Spring is finally here. It has been a rough winter, but Nesrine is finishing her courses, and I have begun a new job at PCO, so it really seems that both of us are making a fresh start.

So for the next few days, I'm doing some Spring cleaning on my blog... posting some of the interesting nonsense I've stumbled across and kept in my favourites. Should be fun...

Attention Quebec Separatists

Jon Cassar says YOU may be Jack Bauer's next target

Tabarnac!

Penitence

The last episode of 24 was so good, I hereby renounce my heretical views, and recite the act of 24 contrition:

Oh Mr. Bauer
I am heartily sorry for
having doubted thee,
and I detest my cynicism,
because I dread the loss of 24,
and the pains of reruns;
but most of all because
I offend thee, Jack,
Who doth kick ass
and are deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of the end-of-season stretch,
to return to the fold
to do penance,
and to believe in thee again.

let us now pause and call to mind he who has suffered for us all...



AMEN!

P.S. I'm sure the Lord has a sense of humour

24 Apostasy

Ok, here we are two thirds of the way through the season, and I'm genuinely starting to waver in my faith. I'm not saying that I have left the church of Bauer, but I must admit I'm starting to flirt with heresy... First of all, where is Jack Bauer? 25 minutes into the last episode, and nary a glimpse of the man! Is this "The Hillary Clinton-approved Ricky Silverspoons leDouche variety hour'? Hells no! This is the "Jack Frickin' Bauer Power Hour"! So the producers better make with the Jack Bauer killery and murderistic brutality that is the show's hallmark.

The problem, I think, is that they are focusing on the wrong plot threads:

Anything at CTU? Mostly blows this season, except for Chloe (who is also getting less screentime), and anyone who goes out and gets brutalized, like when Milo and Morris had to take their medicine -- that was good. Putting characters in peril is guaranteed drama, because given the history of 24 supporting character kill-offs, you really never know if they are going to make it out alive.

Nadia? irrelevant eyecandy; zero chemistry with Milo --Tony and Michelle they are not.

Bill Buchanan? Waste of skin. We don't care that you and your wife miss each other. A nuke went off today. Do your bloody job.

I picture the scenario not so long ago: Some 24 writer bursts into a producer's office and says: Wait, I've got an idea! Let's drop a number of intriguing plot threads (papa Bauer, the fate of the former Prez and first lady) just so we can resurrect the most reviled character from the begining of the season. Sandra Palmer, enter stage left, sans muslim boyfriend.

So now we have episodes of boring White House Bunker nonsense as weak president and annoying sister square off against a scenery-chomping Veep and his nefarious aide. At least Karen Hayes and dude from Ally McBeal, both of them fairly interesting characters, are making the best of a bad situation.... 25th amendment...rehashed plot much? I liked this story the first time around, when they did the screw job on Wayne's big brother in season 2.

The last 10 minutes the last night's episode (excluding the insane presidential about-face) reminded everyone of this show's true strength. It is always at its best when it is squarely focused on JACK, and JACK's immediate adversaries, not the political machinations that form the expository backdrop to the narrative. The Ruskie selling out Abu Fayed was classic! Now THAT is the kind of twist we have come to expect.

OK, I'll admit it

I actually fell for this April Fool story:

Ben Mulroney to Run in Papineau for the Conservatives

After all, if one pretty-boy dilettante can enter politics on little more than the strength of his old man's brand, what's to stop another?

Feeling Bastardish?

Here's a good site for the crusty curmudgeons:

101 people who are screwing up Canada

The blog is not really that original: the idea is an "homage" to this book, but that doesn't make it any less relevant or entertaining.

This Spinks guy really spews some venom on alot of Canadian icons, many of whom had it coming --Boisclair comes immediately to mind. Have a read-through, and see how many of the takedowns you find yourself nodding at.

Facebook

I bit the bullet. I'm on it, and guess what? It's kinda cool. Look me up. I've also got a feed from this blog, so you can read my demented ramblings on my Facebook page, and see the stuff that has caught my eye.

Like:

The Story of Canada's original "unofficial" national anthem

A beginner's guide to hosses... not horses, pilgrim, I said HOSSES.

The Anti-Hoss... who would have thunk he had an MA?

Potter offers a dissenting opinion on the joyous new era that pundits claim the rise of the ADQ has ushered in: Potter Gold is another good blog from the people that brought you Inkless Wells.

Saw 300, loved it. If you did too, you might find this interesting

My morning smile

Don Martin on the Budget:

My francophone colleagues had a good guffaw when they spotted the title of the budget document. It's "Aspire," as in to strive for greatness. In French it means "suck," as in draining the federal treasury of more than its share of the spending surge.

Aspire: the theme for Budget 2007
Perspire: what the thought of a Spring election makes the opposition do.

Thoughts on 24 at the Mid-season Mark

Did you notice that this year, they don't seem to be spending much time at CTU--Jack has only been there once so far, and Chloe has barely been seen at all. Maybe they started to realize how much mayhem had been taking place over the past 5 seasons --sabotage, explosions, nerve gas, murder, mole after mole, traitor after traitor --in a building that is supposed to be secure!

Now anytime they have needed to shake up a CTU character, they have had to send them out of the building --Milo getting shot up and Morris getting drilled. That means characters stuck in CTU like Bill and Nadia haven't had much to do.. while all the usual mayhem is now happening in the underground White House--an even less secure location, apparently!

What the hell happened with the Philip Bauer plot thread? One minute he's about to off his kid, the next he has disappeared into thin air! Think the writers wrote themselves into a corner, or is this all part of a big plan to turn papa Bauer good? And them swapping out arabs for Russians smells like a cop-out to me! Was this planned from the beginning?...I'll admit, with Hamri-Al Assad dead, I'm having trouble predicting where this is going... is the Russian general now the big bad, and Fayed just a secondary baddie? Sure looks that way...

So many questions...

Now they have Ricky Shroeder joining the cast as a younger, less haggard Bauer Jr... Will he be forced to sacrifice a limb like Chase, the last Bauer-in-training?

Will Jack Bauer be indicted for war crimes at The Hague at some point?

...How did Jack's Chinese-prison-beard make its way onto Logan's face in a mere 10 hours It must have been travelling at an incredible rate of speed across Los Angeles County!

...and will the folks at Almeida is God eventually get over the death of Tony?

I for one, look forward to what the rest of the season has in store.

I understand Henry Winkler is guest starring in an upcoming episode, and that his sub plot will involve waterskis, oddly enough...

Aries Spears

Uncle L, Snoop, DMX, and Young Hov, in two minutes:

embed removed... was screwing up my template

Heritage

Remember those Heritage Minute vignettes on CBC? I don't recall having seen one for a while, but some of the better ones still stand out in my mind: The frenzied pace and almost unbearable tension of the Halifax explosion vignette. That one had a real sense of doom and significance. Or the beautifully shot encounter between Cartier and an aboriginal chief and his retinue, and the resulting miscommunication that led to the name of our country being a word for "village". Then there's the one which closes with Jean Nicolet gazes upon the "Great Water" in wonder, thinking he has found the path to China, as the narrator informs us that he had just discovered Lake Michigan-- a reminder to Canadians that so much of this continent, and not just Canada, was charted and explored by the functionaries and religious men of New France.

Perhaps one of the more poignant ones was the one that takes place on Juno Beach, where a young trumpet player entertains his buddies amidst the wreckage of war while planes roar overhead. It's only at the end of the minute that we discover that the young trumpet player is a broadcaster and local personality familiar to anyone who ever lived in Toronto over the past 60 years or so, the "Mayor of Little Italy" Johnny Lombardi.

It's worth revisiting some of these heritage minutes, just to refresh your Canadian pride, and remind yourself of what a fascinating history we have.


The origin of Winnie the Pooh

Happier Times



Engagement Party: December 2005. Adiba was happy for her daughter that night.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Kahlil Gibran

Difficult Times

Until it happens, you really don't know how you are going to react when someone close to you passes away suddenly.

My mother-in-law left us last week. She was very young to have died of a heart attack.

I was very sad when it happened. Sad and shocked.

I was shocked when it happened, because I was there.

Although I did my best to help, there was nothing I could do.

The doctor assured me no one could have saved her.

Still, there was the guilt, and the grief, and a feeling of utter helplessness as I watched her family suffer.

But there was also love. And pride.

I've never been prouder of my beloved wife, who was so very strong, so very brave, even as her heart must have ached so deeply.

I was so proud of the way the family came together, too.

Brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts and cousins and friends.

Everyone pitched it.

They may drive you nuts at times, but when the chips are down, your family is who you count on.

We loved her.

We will miss her.

Now, we have to be there for each other.

And love each other the way she would have wanted.

Saudi Muttawa's favourite song?



WHIP IT

Whip it Good!

Must Read Articles:

Allan Gregg on Multiculturalism in Canada

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond...

Al Andalus is reborn in the land of Cervantes

Blog deliquency

I've been put to shame by the Bearded backpacker lately, so I better get my act together. At least I'm not as bad as PAQ, who doesn't even have a blog yet, the lazy swine!

So in the absence of a PAQ blog, I will post his e-mail on our old high school classmate Kevin Durand:

Hey fellas,
I was watching the tube and notice old Kevin Durand has got a part in Smokin Aces. I still find it kinda weird seeing him in big movies. So I checked him out on imdb, which I hadn't looked at in a while, and he's got four or five things on the go including the lead roll in one movie, and another one with Russel Crowe and Christian Bale.

Just thought it was kind of cool.

Later,
Paq-Man

To which I responded:

Dudes, I know! He has a bald head, right? That frigger has gotten huge -physically, I mean, not so much in the business. Then again, he's doing pretty well if he has 4 or 5 things on the go. I think we can officially say he is a successful working actor, maybe on his way to becoming a very successful character actor, à là JT Walsh

The question is, can he pull a Michael Clark Duncan and graduate to starring roles on the strength of his quirky persona and imposing physique... can you guys imagine watching him accept a Golden Globe for something one day?



Kevin is the gigantic bald guy in the middle at about 1:24 in the trailer.

Incidentally, I meant "Frigger" in the nicest possible way. The phrase "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy" certainly applies to Kevin, who was the first person who bothered to introduce himself and talk to me when I transferred to St. Ignatius High School in my second semester of Grade Nine.

Today's links

Stanford douches go after 24; hilarity ensues

Fascinating, morbid math:The Josephus Problem

Speaking of morbid: Wrestling is a tough business...just ask "Mass Transit"

I'm afraid she doesn't have a leg to stand on

Scumbag of the month: Congo President Denis Sassou-Nguesso

My "piss you off" link of the day

And to close, now that you are amped by the trailer, and enraged by the links, possibly my favourite drinking song lyrics of all time, from Drink and Fight, by the Mudmen:

Chorus:
We're gonna drink and fight and drink and fight and drink and fight some more,
we're gonna drink more stuff than anyone, and go and fight some more,
so grab your friends and neighbors, and punch 'em in the eye,
and raise another glass and sing the Dublin lullaby.

O'Leary was a bastard, I gave his head a crack,
I drank a pint of Guinness, and puked all over his back.
O'Shaunnesy was singin'with Patty in the back,
when Irish eyes are smiling, we'll punch them 'till they're black!
Chorus

O'Leary and O'Connell had been drinking pretty hard,
and had been sitting for a fortnight with Clancy at the bar,
he got so stewed that when he spewed, we swear he must've drowned,
so we kicked his ass, raised a glass, and bought another round!
Chorus

When I went out with O'Leary to Ol' McDonnell's wake,
we drank a lot of stout and ale, and ate a lot of cake.
O'Malley singin' Danny Boy filled my eyes with tears,
so I kicked his nuts right into his guts, and had another beer!
Chorus

Link-a-palooza

I think I tried to get into Queer musicology that one year, but the class was full, so I took Advanced Stairclimbing instead.

What are the top Youtube flicks? Here are the most linked-to ones, according to Technorati.

It turns out that High Fidelity, that really hip relationship movie from a couple years ago featuring a self-absorbed jackass actually starred one. the guy can't hold a candle to Piven anyway.


Don't disturb my circles, I'm building I giant kick-ass claw, you fool!

Season 6 Begins


Just to get in the right frame of mind, I re-watched Season 5 of 24 over the past week, and was amazed at how genuinely well the whole thing hangs together. Note: Any spoilers I'll write about are only spoiler for those who did not see Season 5. I myself have avoided, as much as possible spoilers for Season 6, since I love surprises. Last year, I smelled a rat when they revealed

SPOILER
that President Logan had orchestrated the day's events
END SPOILER

but upon further review, that plot contrivance actually holds up --thanks largely to the stellar writing and Emmy-worthy performance of Greg Itzin.

Notwithstanding the demise of several old stalwarts --something that some fans maintain was done purely for shock value-- I enjoyed Season 5 a great deal overall, and was quite gratified to note some things I had missed the first time I had seen the shows on network TV last year.

SPOILER
In spite of some claims to the contrary from disgruntled Tonyphiles (see Almeida is God, for example Jack's reaction to Tony's death was moving and entirely appropriate. I guess I was too busy picking my jaw up off the floor when the episode first aired to notice that Jack wept over Tony. That being said, he certainly couldn't afford to mourn him for too long --this is 24,after all! The next episode started with a sheet being drawn over the corpse, and Jack lept back into action.

The perfunctory way in which Tony was seen to have been dispatched has led to some speculation that he may not, in fact, be dead, and that we are in for a Bauer-like resurrection in some future season. A bad Tony going head-to-head with Bauer in a future season? That's something the Producers should at least consider --After all, CTU has a well-established tradition of hiring personnel destined to become rogue agents and turncoats --somebody needs to talk to them about HR best practices.
END SPOILER

Now it's 18 months later: Jack Bauer, last seen beaten to a pulp in the bowels of a Chinese cargo ship, is back from an extended stay as a guest of the Chinese. CTU, never the most stable of work environments, has seen some changes: Audrey is no longer "representin'" for the DOD. Milo, the contractor from season 1 is back at CTU --this time as a middle-management type, apparently. Chloe has been promoted --and her ex-hubby Morris, brought in at the end of last season, is still kicking around, apparently; Edgar is still SPOILER dead END SPOILER; and Bill is still in the big chair --for now. We all know that CTU LA directors have a pretty lousy survival rate in that job. Former President Logan is disgraced and in jail and Wayne Palmer is in the White House. There are also a few new faces, some of which, if past seasons are any indication, will not be around for long. This show is ruthless in the way it mows down series regulars, let alone guest stars, which are basically cannon-fodder.

One of the people I don't expect to see around for too long is this guy.

Yup... I predict even Raj Binder himself will be unable to avoid the wrath of Jack Bauer. Here's hoping he doesn't go out like a punk!

Day Six Begins Tonight!