Swompdonkey

A Silly Story

Sir Archibald Barclay and his wife Lady Edith occupy the penthouse of a lovely downtown apartment block. The two bluebloods are from old money, and though reputed to be indolent and selfish, have actually worked hard for philanthropic causes and contributed alot of money towards cancer research. That being said, they are both chain smokers, so maybe they are hoping that all of the money they raise will enable a cure to be found before their nasty habit catches up with them.

One day, a couple of Sloan Ranger types; Piers Piggot and his girlfriend Alexandra Jones move into the apartment just below the Barclays. The young couple are nouveau-riche, not old money like their upstairs neighbours, and they are nowhere near as well-off.They enjoy smoking as much as Sir Archibald and Lady Edith do. With the success of Piers' business their net-worth is increasing, and as it does, they are starting to develop a taste for luxuries.

One day soon after the new couple arrives, the landlord of the building, Mr. Kimoto, decides that henceforth, the building will be smoke-free. There have been several fires in the building caused by cigarette butts in wastebins and the general negligence of some tenants. This is causing insurance rates to skyrocket. Besides, Mr. Kimoto informs his tenants, science has conclusively proven that everyone is affected by second-hand smoke, and therefore he cannot allow some to pollute the air of their building to the detriment of everyone else.

To be sure, there is much grumbling among the tenants, but most agree that its for the better. Better still, although Sir Archibald and Lady Edith immediately quit smoking, they decide they will continue their charitable work for cancer research. One day however, as they are arriving home from a luncheon, they detect the smell of cigarette smoke wafting through the vents in their condo. A bit irritated, they head downstairs to check if their new neighbours can also smell the smoke.

To their surprise, they are greeted at the front door by Piers, puffing away on a pipe. Behind him they can see Alexandra and another young couple sitting in the living room enjoying some brandy and expensive Cuban cigars.

"Terribly sorry, old chap" says a flustered Sir Archibald, "but you do realize we are no longer permitted to pollute the air of our building with tobacco smoke, don't you? It is terrible for your health and bad for the rest of us too!" Piers grins at the old gent and his wife. "Oh, be fair Sir Archie!... you have had years to smoke in this building, whereas Lexi and I just got here!" Sir Archibald raises an eyebrow and Lady Edith snorts haughtily. "Well," Piers continues "I mean, it is hardly fair that just as we get here, all of a sudden everyone is saying we are no longer allowed to smoke, something that the rest of you have been doing all along! In fact, we have decided that we are no longer going to smoke plain old cigarettes, but now that we can afford them, we'll have fancy cigars too!"

"My good man!" Says, a flustered Sir Archibald "I don't follow your logic whatsoever! Do you mean to tell me that we must make an exception to the rules governing the use of something we have all agreed is detrimental, just for you?... are you saying that you should be allowed to smoke--even more than you were doing it before, I might add, just because you didn't get a chance to smoke in this building when the rest of did?"

Piers shrugs "Well, you see, Lexi and I could not afford to live here for the longest time... and we certainly couldn't afford to smoke cigars every day. But now we can, so you and the rest of the old boys club can sod off, yeah?"

And with that, Piers blows a cloud of smoke in Sir Archibald's face, and slams the door.

"What a peculiar point of view" says Lady Edith.

"What a load of nonsense!" Says Sir Archibald