Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Bachelor update 3...this update is given under duress.

OK, so I start watching the Bachelor ten minutes into the show. Jenny S.,the mole- wait, wrong show -the spy is practically in tears about Trish. The ladies are playing that drinking game where you take a drink every time someone mentions something you have done... the game has already turned sexual, if it didn't start that way (I missed the beginning). Trish is tossing back the the plonk like nobody's business. As far as I can tell, she has done everything there is to do of a sexual nature in every possible location, seemingly with half the adult male population of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Oh yeah, she also has "cheating with a married man" on her resume... and she's still single? What is it about Trish that Jenny S. doesn't like? Hmmm... I wonder.

Back from the break, the boy-genius lets us in on the fact that things may get awkward between
Mandy-Jaye, the sassy Texan and Trish, everyone's favourite, on their double date. If by awkward, you mean "hostile staring-daggers-at-each-other awkward", Jesse, you are indeed a very perceptive young man. M-J isn't alone in her hostility towards the Florida floozy. Trish sees herself as "the craziest woman in the house".... whereas other girls call her a "Gold-digging skank"... but who's to say what the truth is?

Following the break, Jenny tells us that Tara is perfect for Jesse. What this means is that our clueless suitor will no doubt kick her through the uprights and right out of the mansion at the next rose ceremony. Meanwhile back at the house, Trish is offending people with her lewd revelations again. This show should just be renamed "The Gold-digging skank", in honour of its true star. Jesse kisses Tara during the date, in spite of her objections... way to push through that defense, Jess. Just don't spike the ball and do a touchdown dance in the endzone, OK?

The next day, "the shame of Ottawa" as I am begining to think of him, and a bunch of the girls go off on a date to build a house for habitat for humanity. At the group date, Jenny S. gives Jesse the goods on Trish, including this line "You hate divorce... she may have caused one!" OUCH! His response "there are some things I have to confront Trish about" Huh? What the hell is the point of confronting her on anything? She has admitted who she is to everyone else.... it isn't like she is ashamed of her past behaviour. I'm not even sure that someone like that has the capacity for shame.

Back at the loveshack, during a BBQ and hot tub party, charmingly insecure Jessie H. becomes creepily weird Jessie H. in the space of about 10 seconds (I just realized... there are too many damn Jesses on this damn show). Even Jesse realizes he is creeped out... and this is a guy that I'm not sure realizes he is awake half the time. Is this our future stalker?

Before the rose ceremony, Jesse is confused, probably not for the first time that day. Jesse S. does not want a rose, she wants to rid herself of the burden of being the spy... no kidding, your boy is really clueless. You have done everything short of beating him over the head with your shoe to get him to clue in... give it up. Spygirl tells her boy that he should follow his heart.

Rose ceremony... it ain't no longer about first impressions, that's fo sho! Mandy-J gets a rose, adorable Suzy with her wrinkly nose does too, as do coy Tara (well what do you know!), Jessica B-the so-cal hottie, Karen -the weird-looking pageant queen, and Trish... wait-just-a-g-damn-minute... TRISH? Are you kidding me? Jesse needs to wear his helmet during practice more often.

Julie the pro cheerleader is upset that she was overlooked for someone like Trish... our spy says she is "worried"... Jenny, you may be worried.... frankly, I'm terrified!

On the next show... things get more insipid... Hmm looks like Jessie H. who gets the boot in this one, is not our stalker. Could the stalker end up being Trish? That would be too cool!

My brain hurts...

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