I don’t like Anne Coulter most of the time, but every once in a while, she writes something like this piece about Elliot Spitzer, and I can't help but chuckle.
One shudders to imagine the sepulchral gloom pervading the Spitzer home this week. At least Hillary would liven the place up with some lamp-throwing.
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I was recently directed to this site, which offers a helpful anthropological primer designed to assist “ethnic” people in their dealings with Caucasians, ostensibly by offering insights into the habits, beliefs cultural practices and customs of the caucasoids with whom they must share the planet.
I decided to peruse this site thoroughly and see how many of these articles apply to me in order to discover how white I actually am, relative to other crackers.
Turns out I am moderately white.
How did I figure this out? I deployed all my grade 12 math skill to come up with a mathematical formula I call the Whiteness Quotient. How does it work?
Step one: Get over yourself, honky.
Step two: Read each of the entries in this blog, and as you go, make note of how many apply to you, how many could apply to you somewhat, or in some circumstances, and how many are completely foreign to your experience.
Step three: Deal with your reality – You are a hopeless cliche
Step four: Divide number of positive responses by number of total items (currently 90 or so, but they are constantly adding new articles), giving half marks for an equivocal or noncommittal response. That will give you your whiteness quotient.
I have created the following scale of whiteness:
0.0-0.9 low risk of blancmange
0.1-0.29 somewhat prone to caucasianisms
0.3-0.49 Moderate WASPishness
0.5-0.69 Significant hipster contamination
0.7-0.99 Full blown whitey douchebaggery
My Whiteness quotient is: 0.297 ... I have been found to have trace elements of Donnie Osmond:
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I don't know what the creepiest website out there is, but I know photoshop disasters sure creep me out! How about you?
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